worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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