I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
