my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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