does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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