I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
