He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
