i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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