So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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