she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
