My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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