i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
