In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
