im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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