I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
