I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
