I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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