i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
