And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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