I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize