Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
