omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
