I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
