Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
