remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
