It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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