The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
