Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today