____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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