ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win