Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.