Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
