I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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