I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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