billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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