he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
