My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
