just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
