your parents love me but you hate me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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