i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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