I puked a lego.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
