I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
