I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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