it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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