How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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