She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
