You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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