I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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