duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
