my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
