I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
