we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Duck Duck Cougar?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
