Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
