i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
