Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
