I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
