so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
