When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
