i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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