I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
