gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
