Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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