I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize