he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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