i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
