At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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