Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
