you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
