I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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