Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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