I'm so fucking centered right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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